Alright, first, I think we need a chick at Wrestling Uncensored. A babe, ya know? Someone that can post, but you don't even read the posts...you just come here for the chick ya know? Like some T & A action...its all part of WU's new attitude...
So heres what you gotta do.
(1) Have a vagina, and breasts.
(2) Send in a sample post to me.
If you can send a picture, please do. Send a fake one if you really want to.
[Sexist, macho mode off]
See girls, this is about equal rights opportunites. Thats all. Theres a lot of men...well, mostly boys, posting here at Wrestling Uncensored. I'm not sure there is too many, if any at all, opinion boards with a well-educated, female out there.
So we want to start it. E-mail me a sample post females. I haven't cleared this with Sickboy yet, but he lets me do whatever I want. Its like WCW. I have such an ego, and Sickboy knows that he can't let me go, otherwise the ratings would go topsy-turvy. So I'll convince him.
Main thing, send a sample post. If you can, send a picture to. I like to know who is posting here. And don't worry if you're not good looking. Have you seen Gonchar's picture? We don't hire people at WU for their looks.
In WU's secret booking room, which is the plight of all darkness, me and RagingRetard came up with a plan. Well actually, I came up with the plan as I always do.
[Mr`Scotsman] We gotta start some excitement at WU
[Mr`Scotsman] Lets hack it.
[RagingRetard] Do It! Let's screw everyone!
[Mr`Scotsman] WU needs more posters.
[Mr`Scotsman] I'm carrying it right now.
[RagingRetard] You are carrying it. Let's hire some people right now.
[Mr`Scotsman] Aight, sounds good.
At which point, we entered #oldfriends, where I tried to recruit.
[Mr`Scotsman] I'm going to give you guys a chance in a lifetime opportunity.
[Mr`Scotsman] Are you up for it?
[coolgrams2] no Mr`Scotsman
[NormaT] sure Mr`Scotsman
[Joy``] hmmm, not sure Mr`Scotsman
[myoh] hello raging
[RagingRetard] hello fellow old people
[Mr`Scotsman] Alright, hold onto your seats here as I let this offer go.
[Mr`Scotsman] We are looking...for someone to post....at...
[Mr`Scotsman] Wrestling Uncensored
[Mr`Scotsman] STOP! DON'T ALL ASK AT ONCE! Theres room for everyone
[ASummerNight] I wanna mud wrestle
[Mr`Scotsman] You can't mud wrestle at WU
[Mr`Scotsman] You can only make fun of Trae Gunz.
[Joy``] do Mr`Scotsman and RagingRetard know one another?
[Mr`Scotsman] No I don't know Jarro...I mean RagingRetard, or whoever that person is.
* Mr`Scotsman whistles
[Mr`Scotsman] Now, who is interested in posting at Wrestling Uncensored?
[22:57] [ASummerNight] I only wanna mud wrestle
[Mr`Scotsman] Raise your hand.
[Joy``] not i Mr`Scotsman , thanks anyways
[NormaT] no takers
[NormaT] nice of ya to ask tho
* ASummerNight has taken a vow of silence
[Mr`Scotsman] Ok, I can see you're all interested.
[Mr`Scotsman] So I tell ya what i'm gonna do.
[Mr`Scotsman] You can all take off your clothes, and the person with the biggest nipples gets the job.
[Mr`Scotsman] A good old fashioned nipple contest
[Mr`Scotsman] Just don't let Sable know about it.
*[Mr`Scotsman] She'll sue us all.
*** NormaT sets mode: +b Mr`Scotsman!*Goooo@Star6300.47.80.13.kingston.net
*** You were kicked by NormaT (NormaT)
So obviously, they were too shy to admit they wanted to post. Probably intimidated that the great Scots was there with them.
Next up, #Redmist_Castle:
*** Now talking in #RedMist_Castle
*** Topic is '* IC * Welcome to RedMist Castle (Medieval/Fantasy FFRP) | Haraman Quest: Someday | Weather: A drizzly, warm evening | Website: http://redmist.cjb.net'
*** RagingRetard (superretar@Star6373.pathway.net) has joined #redmist_castle
[Kaherdin] Kaysbay's militia is quite impressive and skilled...but they, like the rest of us, would just plain be outnumbered, you know it?
[Mr`Scotsman] So how's everyone doing tonight?
[`Trish] ((Better...a little anyway.))
[Mr`Scotsman] Because me...I'm doing real good. I feel generous.
* `Trish (is sitting at the bar)
[Mr`Scotsman] So generous, that I'm going to give you the opportunity of a lifetime.
[Anduin] ((Oh great, here we go.))
*** You were kicked by Anduin (Anduin)
These people obviously haven't coped yet with the loss of Trae Gunz, and are striking out at everyone.
Next up, was the most fucked up room I have ever seen on IRC, #backroom. For a start, they NEVER kicked us for about 40 minutes. And....well...just look at this fucking transcript...and I edited out a LOT of it:
*** Now talking in #backroom
*** Topic is '=/\= UCIP's OOC Lounge =/\= InsurrectionTribune: http://www.ucip.future-gate.net =/\='
[ObsJ`rel] ::pulls up the bazooka again and starts shooting pucks at the ref::
[LtCmdrMayTa] ::stands nexts to Jet
[T`Laera] ::sits back, watching the fight::
[Mr`Scotsman] Hey did you guys hear Wrestling Uncensored is giving away jobs?
[Mr`Scotsman] Boy I wish I was good enough to post there.
[LtCmdrMayTa] yeah Puck the BEEP out of him!
[Mr`Scotsman] Any of you applying?
* MacPherson drive back on with a tank....loaded with pucks
* RagingRetard hands in his application
* MacPherson fires
[ObsJ`rel] ::holding a cigar and sporting war paint and a helmet:: Yeah baby!
[Mr`Scotsman] If you're applying for a job, then don't type in the next 5 seconds.
[Mr`Scotsman] Alright, so ObsJ`rel, what makes you think you can post there?
[ObsJ`rel] ::flys a puck bomber over Mac::
[T`Laera] You meet a whole new class of people, this late.
[ObsJ`rel] Bombs awayyyyyy!
* MacPherson fires
* MacPherson watches puck bomber explode
[Mr`Scotsman] Firing puck bombers won't help you get a job at Wrestling Uncensored young man.
[Mr`Scotsman] Ya know, I wish I had some puck bombers. Sadly I'm not a loser like you guys. I post at WU, like a winner.
[ObsJ`rel] ::refits a Borg cube with puck weapins::
[ObsJ`rel] Haha, I'm in a Borg cube
[Mr`Scotsman] So uh.....anyone here from Philadelphia?
[RagingRetard] Not everyone who doesn't like wrestling is a loser, man
[Mr`Scotsman] Boy, tough crowd.
[Mr`Scotsman] So wheres the front room?
* MacPherson calls in the planet killer
* Mr`Scotsman calls in the geek patrol
[ObsJ`rel] ::launches Nukes with pucks attached::
[RagingRetard] Anyone here had sex before?
* MacPherson orders the cube fired apoun
[ObsJ`rel] ::raises hand::
[Mr`Scotsman] Alright, you guys got me interested. What the hell is this room about?
[T`Laera] Goofin' off.
[ObsJ`rel] Yeah I have....with yo momma!
[RagingRetard] Only one?
* Mr`Scotsman takes off his shoes
[Mr`Scotsman] Mind if I goof off with ya?
[Lyneve] Raging, not appropriate for this channel, we're family oriented
[Mr`Scotsman] Yeah Raging, you and your WWF-vile mouth.
[RagingRetard] He has sex with my momma and you yell at me?
[Mr`Scotsman] Man, is it just me or is goofing off fun?
[Mr`Scotsman] I gotta try this more often.
[Mr`Scotsman] I'd like to thank you guys for the funnest night of my life.
[Lyneve] Raging, I won't warn again, that line of conversation is NOT appropriate
* MacPherson skates toward J`rel...and checks him into the nearest wall
[CdtNu_Gara] ::slams j'rel into the boards::
[Mr`Scotsman] Can one of you guys teach me how to skate in IRC?
[Mr`Scotsman] I tried that once but I did it wrong and I formatted my hard drive.
[Mr`Scotsman] I'll never do that again.
[RagingRetard] What's this room about? I reckon it's not about sex.
[LtCmdrMayTa] T this should be Fun to watch
[CdtNu_Gara] just put them on and push
[ObsJ`rel] ::skates over to T and sits down:: Can I have a cup of tea...?
* MacPherson skates toward J`rel...and checks him again
[Mr`Scotsman] ::attempts to skate over to T but fails miserably, and breaks leg::
[Mr`Scotsman] Am I doing good?
[LtCmdrMayTa] :::takes Duds and Mixes them in his popcorn::
[Mr`Scotsman] First person to pull their pants down I hire at Wrestling Uncensored.
[Nu_Gara] ::picks up stick like a bat'leth and heads towards j'rel swearing in klingon::
* RagingRetard pulls down his pants when Lyneve isn't looking
[Mr`Scotsman] RagingRetard is now disqualified from the contest.
[Mr`Scotsman] Any more cheating like that and I'll kill Captain Kirk.
[Mr`Scotsman] So just you guys watch out.
[MacPherson] he's dead already
[Mr`Scotsman] So I'll bring him back to life and kill him again, smartass.
[LtCmdrMayTa] ::trys to chant Ga-Ra with popcorn in his mouth::
[Mr`Scotsman] All you do is spit out the popcorn.
* MacPherson starts swinging the hockey stick
* Mr`Scotsman lights the hockey stick on fire
[J`rel] ::puts a 4 foot blade on his stick::
[J`rel] Blade as in sword :P
[Mr`Scotsman] ::puts a 4 foot sausage on his stick::
[Nu_Gara] ::sees j'rel, skates with furry, boards him through glass and puts him in the crowd::
[Mr`Scotsman] Sausage as in veggiedog :p
[RagingRetard] This room has an awful lot of :'s in it.
[Mr`Scotsman] Yeah can we eliminate some of those :'s please? I'm getting dizzy.
[Lyneve] Those are actions Raging
[Lyneve] The indicate when something is being done, rather than being said
[Mr`Scotsman] So anyone want to go out on a date with me?
[Mr`Scotsman] I wear protection. And oh god do I ever need it.
[J`rel] ::pushes a button and the ice flips over to reveal a basketball court::
[T`Laera] ::passes Adams the popcorn::
[Mr`Scotsman] Can I have some of this popcorn action please?
[Mr`Scotsman] ::nudges Adams and looks at the popcorn::
[Adams] I'm aware, ::passes Mr`Scotsman the popcorn:: it was a joke. :)
[Mr`Scotsman] ::pees in the popcorn and passes it to J'Rel::
[Mr`Scotsman] Have a taste J'rel, I added salt.
* MacPherson walks off the ice
[J`rel] ::throws the popcorn in Mr`Scotsmans face::
[Mr`Scotsman] ::no-sells the evil popcorn throw,and opens a can of whoopass on J'rel::
[J`rel] ::body slams Mr`Scotsman:: Did I forget to mention i am on the JV Wrestling team?
[Mr`Scotsman] Who here smells what the Rock is cooking?
[J`rel] ::puts goo in a bannanna split:: Thats got to hurt!
[RagingRetard] ::smells what the Rock is cooking::
[Mr`Scotsman] ::Kisses J'rel and slips in a little tongue::Thats gotta feel good.
[J`rel] ::runs away:: Please tell me you are a female Gooo
[Mr`Scotsman] ::lies to J'rel:: Yep, I'm a female.
[J`rel] ::runs over to T`Laera and smooches her::
[J`rel] Here have some
Ok...now that shit GOES ON AND ON AND FUCKING ON!!!!!! It was goddamn awful. It put us off doing that for the whole night! So we never hired anyone. But the search will continue..don't you worry about that. If YOU want to go on a search for a WU poster, feel free, and send it in. I might not post it, but I'll get a laugh out of it so everything is worthwhile. I may even steal your jokes.
I'd like to note that we will probably be going on more WU-recruiting missions in the near future. I've never seen this done before on a board so if you did do it, then fuck you I never stole your idea. But if you see this on any other opinion board, then you'll know they stole it from me! At which point I can say "like I fucking care! Its the internet for gods sake, it doesn't matter!" and come off as a real cool guy. To be honest, if you want to do that for your board, go ahead. I don't really give a fuck. I'll probably enjoy reading them. So if you do rip it off, send in the URL.
Shooter called Berserker "Berjerker"! Than fuck we didn't hire him for his comedy routine.